What do you do in your workshops with adolescent males?
Using our approach, and with the help of our proposed methodology, we get the group to engage with issues related to sexism, gender inequality and male domination/violence. These are uncomfortable topics and many young men are reluctant to discuss them. They are often defensive. We follow a process by which they come to understand, or come close to understanding, three basic issues:
- there is socio-cultural conditioning that takes place under a hidden gender curriculum that we call the "blue suit" ...also as far as men are concerned;
- this conditioning is of no interest or benefit to men. It is harmful to us; it leads to illness and unhappiness...so it is in our interest to change it;
- differentiate the traditional cultural model of masculinity from our nature, i.e. from what we men are as people. We are people on whom an attempt has been made to impose this male model through assimilation, which means a conditioning that has inevitably soaked into us and penetrated our minds (attitudes, thoughts, feelings).
Can you explain more about your approach to these workshops?
Once these three issues are clear, it is easier to accept that this masculinity pushes men into relationships based on domination, violence and inequality. And to develop a self-repressive, homophobic, hardened, insensitive personality. Finally, we can conclude that transforming this gender construct benefits us not only personally (our lives are at stake), but society as a whole needs us to take this step. It needs that model to disappear and for men (and women) to develop a masculinity rooted in the same values that feminism promotes. We call this a "homecoming".
Can you elaborate on your methodology?
I can give some examples: we try to gain their trust and their acceptance of our work by connecting with their personal experiences as young people, recognising their efforts, their difficulties and the value of their thoughts and intelligence. We tend to relate different personal experiences about our youth, which explain how we have grown into the adult men we are today. We talk about certain decisions we have made in our youth and events that were key for us. Experiences always attract attention and generate an atmosphere of companionship that is very useful for dealing with uncomfortable topics and doing so in a non-superficial manner.
Once we have prepared the group so that they are willing to listen to us and to be interested in our proposal, and willing to trust our word and approach, we go straight into a series of explanations about what "becoming a real man", a "normal man", is all about. We explain the characteristics of this male contract and, above all, what the "small print" is, which nobody showed us or explained to us. Therein lies the price we pay on the road of life in exchange for being accepted as men once society deems that we are behaving "properly" based on a cultural belief system that determines which roles men should and should not play. Our roles and attitudes, how we feel and act, our tastes and interests, our professions and studies, our clothing and gestural language, etc.
We rely on a participatory methodology. We use guided discussions and combine them with explanations. It is important to sit in a circle, to be able to see your colleagues' faces and for them to see you. We use slides and short videos. These resources help us reveal the main irrational expectations that culture and society have about men and some of the basic male conditioning mechanisms.
